17A – Elevator Pitch No. 2

17A – Elevator Pitch No. 2

What I learned in my last video was that I need to lengthen my pitch. I also really need to wear a button down shirt. I need to be more enthusiastic. this will help with engaging my customers. I need to use no filler words. based on the feedback from my last one I revised it and made a new one. I used less filer words. I lengthened my pitch. I also used nicer clothes. I need to work on how I organize it though. So what I did was I talked about how I came up with my idea. I then showed how it can benefit society. Then showed what it does to society. But before all that I had to identify the problem. I identified it to then show my all around solution. I showed who could be my potential customers. This then helped me increase my pitch and explain my idea better.


pitch 2

Comments

  1. Jacob JenkinsMarch 22, 2020 at 9:29 AM

    Hi Tommy, I enjoyed your pitch and I think that you have a really great idea with your parking app; I know that I myself would be interested in having such a useful service. You definitely did use less filler words, as there was only one "um" at the beginning. You also lengthened your pitch, but it actually ended up maybe being a bit too long since we're supposed to be around 90 seconds. One way to shorten it is to ditch the description of how the app works at 1:23, since you already described how it worked earlier (0:32). I think you can also streamline and clarify your description of how the app works and its benefits from 0:32-1:05; also pause less, speak faster, and speak with more confidence through this part. I would also describe how the app would prevent 2 users from being guided to the same parking spot, since that is a potential issue that could arise. Also, instead of saying there is little to no parking at UF, I would suggest saying there is a shortage of parking, since we have a lot of spots, but there are still more people trying to park than there are available spots.

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